Binge and purge.

So people have been downsizing on the internet lately. They've been deleting their Twitters, Facebooks, and Dailybooths and spending time being... well... normal.

Today I read Alex (nerimon) and Kristina's (italktosnakes) blogs about how they're trying to cut back on the pointless things on the internet and focus on the more important things in life.

So what did I do? I cleaned up my Twitter so I'm only following 12 people and I reduced my YouTube subscriptions to 25. This may sound like a step in the right direction, but here's a layout of my day.

7:30-3:00 -- School

3:00-3:30 -- Jazz Choir

3:30-6:30 -- Internet

6:30-9:30 -- TV

9:30-10:00 -- Internet

I seriously disgust myself with the amount of time that I waste each night when I should really be studying for my AP exams and actually trying to get an A in Calculus. But the truth is... I really don't care anymore.

This is my problem.

I don't care about school.

I don't care about singing.

I don't care about looking good.

I don't care about National Honor Society.

I don't care about the fact that I'm gaining weight.

I don't care about the scars my acne is going to leave.

I don't care about making an effort to do anything or go anywhere.

I don't care about writing my thank you note for the scholarship that I received in February.

I don't care about the increasing number of people who think I'm a bitch.

I don't care about how poorly I'm going to do on my AP tests.

I don't care about anything anymore.

The only things keeping me going are books and the internet.

5 in the AM seems so surreal...

Ah, yes. Waking up at five in the morning does not agree with me.

I had my placement tests this morning.

English was super easy.

Math was a bit more difficult.

Spanish was also surprisingly easy.

I felt like I was going to die after the five hours were over.

That is all.

Hat hair!

My name is Lindsay. I have hair issues.

This morning, my hair looked like this.

So, as evidenced in this completely unrelated photo, I stuck a hat over it.

This is the front of my head.

This is the back of my head.

Let's never talk about this again.

Agh, my calves!

Things I learned today:

1. College boys are better looking than high school boys... and they have their shirts off more often. Yes, please.

2. The physics building smells bad and has big, scary machines in it. Note to self: steer clear of this building.

3. Even if I learn how to ride a bike, I will never feel comfortable riding a bike through Madison. On that note...

4. I am going to have buns of steel next year. Thank you, Bascom Hill.

5. No one in the world knows where Kewaskum is unless they live there.

6. The Lakeshore campus is the nerdy end of campus. I must live here.

7. Madison offers over 60 foreign languages.

8. There are over 60 foreign languages.

9. State Street is a beautiful, beautiful place.

10. I love Madison.

This is why I don't have a boyfriend.

Last night I had the perfect dream.

It started the way any dream should -- I was shopping. And this wasn't just any regular shopping -- oh no. This was a giant store filled with everything I could ever want to wear in my life. I don't remember what much of it looked like, but I do remember trying on this dark blue/black sequin dress. It was freaking adorable.

Anyway...

I went to check out and all I had in my hands was a Zelda T-shirt. Now let's take a time out for a second. I love me some Zelda, but that was all I managed to pick out in the world's most perfect store? Come on, dream Lindsay, pull yourself together.

Back to the story...

I went up to the checkout holding my Zelda T-shirt and I noticed a boy -- who was cute rather than "hot" with his curly brown hair and his lankiness -- who was talking about the fact that there were no more Zelda T-shirts left. Out of nowhere, I pull up not only the confidence to talk to him, but also an extra T-shirt in his size.

So we get to talking and I find out that he is a nerdfighter. Tall, lanky, brunette, nerdfighter... man of my dreams. We walk around the store -- with our arms around each other because apparently that's what you do 10 seconds after you meet someone -- talking about video games and college and our lifelong dreams and such.

We talked about how we like games like Mario Kart, but that Zelda has always been our true calling. I believe that that was my pick-up line actually. This is why I don't have a boyfriend. Next, we talked about where we were going to college. He said that he had applied to a bunch and he was still trying to make a decision. I told him I was going to Madison -- which was on his list -- in hopes that he would choose to go there because of me. Then, he asked my what the one thing was that I was good at and passionate about. I finally managed, through my dream tears to say singing. I told him that I had no idea why I wasn't majoring in music because I felt like it was the only thing I was good at.

This is when I started to wake up. I could feel myself being pulled away from this simple perfection and it shook me so hard that I started crying. Even though this dream boy wasn't real, I never asked him his name and that broke my freaking heart.

The moral of the story? Never fall asleep reading Eclipse. No, no. Never fall asleep reading any of the Twilight books. 

Team Jacob.

That's right. I'm Team Jacob. There is no going back.

Rereading New Moon has just made me realize that although RPattz is the epitome of man, I really prefer Jacob over Edward. Sure, Edward is perfect, but Jacob just seems so much more real to me. When I read the parts of the books with Edward, sure, I fall head over heels for him, but that's all it really is. I get dazzled. The dazzle is material. When I read the parts of the books with Jacob, though, it actually feels like I am living that situation and I am falling in love with... well... a fictional character.

Case in point...

When Edward left, I was mad. Not only did he get Bella's hopes up just to break her fragile little human heart, but he left her in the woods, by herself, dumbstruck and prepared to bitch about it for the next 400 pages. I take this as a personal attack.

When Jacob turned into a wolf, it broke my freaking heart. It's not that I cared about his relationship with Bella -- because Bella is a worthless ass -- but I felt like I was being broken up with. It made me realize how much I miss the feeling of having a guy who pays even the tiniest bit of attention to me.

Real case in point...

I need to stop rereading romance novels, stop writing this blog, and start looking for my Jacob Black.

...

See you tomorrow...

I am opposed to continuity.

Today was a bit strange. I woke up, read New Moon, went back to sleep, read some more, and dyed Easter eggs. Okay, so it hasn't been strange as much as it's been boring. The only really strange thing is how I feel, but I'll spare you the whiny details.

Time for another photo blog? Why not.

These are the Easter eggs that I dyed. Marvel at my masterful drizzle technique.

This one says "Happy Easter". I dyed the egg blue, wrote on it with the magic crayon, and then dyed it yellow. This is the result. Oooh.

But before all this fun happened, I read New Moon. You can't read it, but it says, "OMG EDWARD HATES ME! I'M GOING TO TALK TO STRANGERS!"

In case you were wondering, this is my 13th book so far this year.

Continuing with my hair woes from yesterday, this piece of hair does not belong on my head.

I am going to go eat Cadbury eggs and wait for the Harmonies to get here.

Bye-bye, kiddies.

Forgive me.

I really suck at blogging every day in April. Oh well. I've been sick the past two days, so I think that's a pretty good excuse.

This is what's gone on the last couple days...

...I've been sick.

...My YouTube videos have become a scandal at my high school. Ha.

...I got a B- on my Calculus test. With a curve. Damn it.

...I woke up at 5:30 this morning... and stayed up.

So let me make up my lack of blogging with a photo blog. Yay!

Today I was very bored and had nothing to do, so I tried to scrunch my hair.

But alas, my hair will never ever be capable of retaining a scrunch.

Then I had a brilliant idea.

"I'll just put these glasses on! That'll make me look awesome!"

I was wrong. They just made me look like Garth from Wayne's World.

See the similarities?

So then I decided to tease my hair because that would be fun.

I'm kind of an idiot.

So, I tried to brush out my hair... but it would not un-tease underneath!

I pondered my options.

"I know! I'll pretend it's my weave!"

Annnnd *pat*.

Um...

Here are some random pictures.

...

BAI.

BLARGH.

Huge Calculus test tomorrow.

Must study.

And today was a day just like any other...

...which of course means that I woke up late, my locker wouldn't open, Spanish was worthless, Calculus made me want to cry, I had two lunches, and I came home with an excruciating headache. So, you know, just like any other.

This is my second day of BEDA and I have already run out of things to say. 

So, um, yeah. Ten random facts from my childhood!

1) My brother and sister always used to try and convince me that I was adopted. One year on Christmas Eve, they called the house (from the basement), put on British accents, and claimed that they were calling on behalf of the adoption agency and they were coming to take me back. Ho ho ho.

2) I used to think that my last name was "Schneiders" because when my dad answered the phone, he said, "Hello, Schneiders".

3) I had to go to a special dentist because I kicked the regular dentist.

4) Up until I was eight years old, my favorite meal was a Miracle Whip sandwich on white bread with no crust cut into the number of pieces of my age. I have now moved on to bigger and better things. Like turkey... and cheese.

5) I once did a backwards somersault (with the intention of doing a normal one) off the top bunk of my bed and I landed on a lamp.

6) When I was five years old my favorite band was No Doubt. Somewhere there is a video of the little me singing lead vocals to "Just a Girl" with my brother's band.

7) Speaking of my brother, I used to determine whether or not I liked his girlfriends by the amount of time they spent playing Barbies with me.

8) In fourth grade I went to the Children's Museum in Appleton for Girl Scouts. First of all, this is the coolest place I have ever been in my life. Secondly, I jumped out of the giant heart and hurt my ankle so badly that it still cracks to this day. I probably should have gotten that checked out.

9) When my friends came over, we used to play Mary Poppins and jump off of my railing with umbrellas.

10) I started swearing at an early age, and I blame Super Mario 64 for that.

----

Lindsay's Daily Dose of Stupid (which will be a daily treat for the rest of April):

I just read the word "apology" in someone's Facebook status and thought the person who wrote it was talking about AP Biology. I could not understand how AP Biology had anything to do with what they were talking about.

'Tis the season to be blogging.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Oh, hey BEDA. I'm starting today. I hope you don't mind.

I've never really blogged much, so blogging every day for the rest of April will be... well... it should be interesting.

Blogging is hard. I'm going to let you know what I've been doing in April so far.

April 1st

Today was Jordan's birthday. I love that lady so much it's not even funny.

I spent most of today working on an art project for Spanish. For the project I had to recreate a work of art by a famous Hispanic artist, and I chose "The Elephants" by Salvador Dalí because, um, RPattz plays him in Little Ashes. My reasoning is spectacular. Anyway, it took me a combined total of about thirty thousand hours to complete my recreation. Not even kidding. Have you ever tried to cut out an elephant with twenty-inch legs? It's no picnic.

In the middle of my hell of cutting out giant elephants, I was summoned to the church (and by summoned, I mean that I went to church for choir practice). We sang songs, Jesus was praised, and my dad played wrong rhythms on trumpet. After choir practice was over, there was a service where I sang "Holden Evening Prayer" with Reverend Eric (who will, from this point on, be referred to as "RevEric"). It was as awkward as usual. I wonder how many people in that church even know that I'm not religious. It's kind of ironic that they asked me to sing the entire service with RevEric, seeing as I've only been singing with the choir since September and I skip out of church every Sunday right after we're done singing. But I'm over it. After the service, RevEric and I talked about my journey, yadda, yadda, yadda. I was home an hour later.

When I got home, I kept working on my project while I watched ANTM and American Idol. I won't go into too much detail on either of those, but I'll just say that I was ecstatic about who went home on one and kind of pissed about who went home on the other. Okay, moving on. I finished my project -- lies. I didn't finish my project, but I worked on it until one in the morning. On that note...

April 2nd

I woke up at five o' clock this morning to finish my project.

I finished it at six.

I went to school.

I didn't have to present my project.

I got screamed at by Jason for wearing my "Voldemort Can't Stop Barack" T-shirt.

I had a headache for the rest of the day.

I have no recollection of what happened when I got home.

I wished my mommy a happy birthday at midnight.

The end.

April 3rd

Today was my mom's birthday. I love her.

I don't remember anything about school today and that makes me angry.

What I do remember, though, is that I came home and my brother and I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my mom. We ended up just renting a couple of movies and staying in for the night. On the way home, we were listening to the radio and the song "Rock Me Amadeus" came on. We thought they were singing about hot potatoes.

Goodnight.

April 4th

This morning, the Schneider family made the silly mistake of driving to Madison together. Here are some highlights.

• Kathryn peeled some of the tint off of the pimp car's window.
• I couldn't see a damn thing.
• I loved Madison.
• We almost got T-boned.
• I decided I'm going there next year.

After those suffocating six hours, Katie and I went to Menomonee Falls to go to Target and go see Adventureland. I bought Bo Burnham's CD at Target for $10. Then we went to the theater and I bought a ticket, two sodas, and a tray of pretzel bites for a grand total of (drum roll, please) $23.50. Having fun is expensive.

April 5th (That's today!)

Ah yes. Palm Sunday... I don't even know what that is, but I went to church anyway. All I can deduce from the service is that this is one of those days where everyone comes to church because they feel bad for skipping out on every other Sunday of the year. It was hot in the church, people were waving palms all around, and we were asses to ankles in the pew. Oh, church.

I rounded out the morning with a McDonald's breakfast and a giant (read: venti) peppermint hot chocolate from Starbucks -- which in my personal opinion is the only way in which a morning can be properly "rounded out".

I got home and slept for four hours.

...

So now I'm all caught up for the days that I've missed. Tomorrow, I will start blogging for real. Prepare yourselves.

Lindsay Schneider, Esq.