Vicodin dreams...

Hey, blog. Sorry I've been ignoring you.

I sprained my ankle playing tennis on Friday.

It's super swollen and bruised.

After two days, I still can't put any weight on it.

Yesterday, I spent about six hours awake.

Tomorrow, I have to go back to school.

Should be interesting.

Binge and purge.

So people have been downsizing on the internet lately. They've been deleting their Twitters, Facebooks, and Dailybooths and spending time being... well... normal.

Today I read Alex (nerimon) and Kristina's (italktosnakes) blogs about how they're trying to cut back on the pointless things on the internet and focus on the more important things in life.

So what did I do? I cleaned up my Twitter so I'm only following 12 people and I reduced my YouTube subscriptions to 25. This may sound like a step in the right direction, but here's a layout of my day.

7:30-3:00 -- School

3:00-3:30 -- Jazz Choir

3:30-6:30 -- Internet

6:30-9:30 -- TV

9:30-10:00 -- Internet

I seriously disgust myself with the amount of time that I waste each night when I should really be studying for my AP exams and actually trying to get an A in Calculus. But the truth is... I really don't care anymore.

This is my problem.

I don't care about school.

I don't care about singing.

I don't care about looking good.

I don't care about National Honor Society.

I don't care about the fact that I'm gaining weight.

I don't care about the scars my acne is going to leave.

I don't care about making an effort to do anything or go anywhere.

I don't care about writing my thank you note for the scholarship that I received in February.

I don't care about the increasing number of people who think I'm a bitch.

I don't care about how poorly I'm going to do on my AP tests.

I don't care about anything anymore.

The only things keeping me going are books and the internet.

5 in the AM seems so surreal...

Ah, yes. Waking up at five in the morning does not agree with me.

I had my placement tests this morning.

English was super easy.

Math was a bit more difficult.

Spanish was also surprisingly easy.

I felt like I was going to die after the five hours were over.

That is all.

Hat hair!

My name is Lindsay. I have hair issues.

This morning, my hair looked like this.

So, as evidenced in this completely unrelated photo, I stuck a hat over it.

This is the front of my head.

This is the back of my head.

Let's never talk about this again.

Agh, my calves!

Things I learned today:

1. College boys are better looking than high school boys... and they have their shirts off more often. Yes, please.

2. The physics building smells bad and has big, scary machines in it. Note to self: steer clear of this building.

3. Even if I learn how to ride a bike, I will never feel comfortable riding a bike through Madison. On that note...

4. I am going to have buns of steel next year. Thank you, Bascom Hill.

5. No one in the world knows where Kewaskum is unless they live there.

6. The Lakeshore campus is the nerdy end of campus. I must live here.

7. Madison offers over 60 foreign languages.

8. There are over 60 foreign languages.

9. State Street is a beautiful, beautiful place.

10. I love Madison.

This is why I don't have a boyfriend.

Last night I had the perfect dream.

It started the way any dream should -- I was shopping. And this wasn't just any regular shopping -- oh no. This was a giant store filled with everything I could ever want to wear in my life. I don't remember what much of it looked like, but I do remember trying on this dark blue/black sequin dress. It was freaking adorable.

Anyway...

I went to check out and all I had in my hands was a Zelda T-shirt. Now let's take a time out for a second. I love me some Zelda, but that was all I managed to pick out in the world's most perfect store? Come on, dream Lindsay, pull yourself together.

Back to the story...

I went up to the checkout holding my Zelda T-shirt and I noticed a boy -- who was cute rather than "hot" with his curly brown hair and his lankiness -- who was talking about the fact that there were no more Zelda T-shirts left. Out of nowhere, I pull up not only the confidence to talk to him, but also an extra T-shirt in his size.

So we get to talking and I find out that he is a nerdfighter. Tall, lanky, brunette, nerdfighter... man of my dreams. We walk around the store -- with our arms around each other because apparently that's what you do 10 seconds after you meet someone -- talking about video games and college and our lifelong dreams and such.

We talked about how we like games like Mario Kart, but that Zelda has always been our true calling. I believe that that was my pick-up line actually. This is why I don't have a boyfriend. Next, we talked about where we were going to college. He said that he had applied to a bunch and he was still trying to make a decision. I told him I was going to Madison -- which was on his list -- in hopes that he would choose to go there because of me. Then, he asked my what the one thing was that I was good at and passionate about. I finally managed, through my dream tears to say singing. I told him that I had no idea why I wasn't majoring in music because I felt like it was the only thing I was good at.

This is when I started to wake up. I could feel myself being pulled away from this simple perfection and it shook me so hard that I started crying. Even though this dream boy wasn't real, I never asked him his name and that broke my freaking heart.

The moral of the story? Never fall asleep reading Eclipse. No, no. Never fall asleep reading any of the Twilight books. 

Team Jacob.

That's right. I'm Team Jacob. There is no going back.

Rereading New Moon has just made me realize that although RPattz is the epitome of man, I really prefer Jacob over Edward. Sure, Edward is perfect, but Jacob just seems so much more real to me. When I read the parts of the books with Edward, sure, I fall head over heels for him, but that's all it really is. I get dazzled. The dazzle is material. When I read the parts of the books with Jacob, though, it actually feels like I am living that situation and I am falling in love with... well... a fictional character.

Case in point...

When Edward left, I was mad. Not only did he get Bella's hopes up just to break her fragile little human heart, but he left her in the woods, by herself, dumbstruck and prepared to bitch about it for the next 400 pages. I take this as a personal attack.

When Jacob turned into a wolf, it broke my freaking heart. It's not that I cared about his relationship with Bella -- because Bella is a worthless ass -- but I felt like I was being broken up with. It made me realize how much I miss the feeling of having a guy who pays even the tiniest bit of attention to me.

Real case in point...

I need to stop rereading romance novels, stop writing this blog, and start looking for my Jacob Black.

...

See you tomorrow...